Foreign Being

There are so many crippling yet vital and fundamental realities to being born a lesbian, a woman, an African, a black person in a world as fragmented, as phobic and as patriarchal as this one.
For as long as I can remember, I have felt foreign.
Being a foreigner is a very disempowering and alienating feeling/position to occupy in the world.
It is like being born in the wrong body – or what I imagine that feels like.

It’s strange how when one is in the privileged position of heterosexuality, sexual orientation is not one’s core position of personal identification in the world.
As a lesbian I have felt foreign and alien to my environment, this has ramifications, I end up creating a distance/wall between me and THEM.
The people who I find myself being alienated from are the same people I share strong connections and bonds with, DNA strands that have effects like similar hair texture, tones of voice, nail shape, etc.

The idea that as a woman I am supposed to hold certain expectations of myself, that I am supposed to walk, talk, cover myself in a certain way.
The idea that as a woman I am supposed speak softer, be submissive, meek and obedient, press my knees together when I sit, keep silent when a more knowledgeable and testosterone charged person has an opinion to express and hold the male species of the human race in high esteem and regard is so alien to me.
I must be people-less, landless, tribe-less, childless, nameless, god-less, Bloodless, DNA-less, language-less and where necessary faceless, my only contribution to the world as a vessel of life.
Not only do these make me foreign to the world, they make the world foreign to me.

Being a black person in the world and from a ‘dark continent’ means that I have to accept the idea the world holds of me.
It means that where as an American or European feels that the universe is open and inviting and just ripe for the picking, the long waits in visa application queues and consequent rejection lead me to accept a part of myself that is not desirable to others.
While others take entitlement for granted, I take my undesirability for granted.
As a black person, I take my poverty for granted, I take my anger for granted, I take my history of oppression for granted, I take the misinformation and stereotypical representation of my race for granted. I actually believe that history could not have unfolded any differently.
The consequences of chronic disempowerment are many and varied.
Where as one might take their first look in the eyes of the world and see blonde, blue-eyed, beautiful, desirable, necessary, vital, important, I have to look deeper to sell what I have.
Where as one takes one look into the eyes of the world and sees male, strong, important, APPROVED, empowered, yes, affirmed, vital, I have to dig deep to sell my qualities to the world, I have to search for qualities that may have been missed and present these in a voice that is loud and clear.
Where as one looks into the eyes of the world and sees heterosexual, natural, normal, expected, accepted, APPROVED, necessary, needed, Christian, African, yes, nod, wink, want, affirmed, I look up from my bent head of shame to see a lack of recognition, I don’t see faces, I see parts of heads turned away from me, side lines….., aversion.

Bottom line, walking the world as a foreigner on so many levels of one’s core identifying attributes and then actually living as a “foreigner” makes me vulnerable.
It means that I can not feel entitled in anyway, I can not feel that my marriage is a right, a natural occurrence, or my need for service is earned, when I stand in a line and wait for everything too long, I do not feel that I have the right to claim space and speak out or complain because I don’t feel like I own that space in the first place.


Married life

How is married life?

lesbian married life
Love,light and laughter
This is a question I have been answering a lot since October 20th 2012.

A sense of shared destiny.

The idea that we are doing this together ( I will stay with you - John Legend )

The fact that we are a family that is recognised and respected under the law is just too awesome.

What I love about being married.

The best thing about married life for me – and this is why it is a crime against humanity to deny gay people marriage - is going to sleep and waking up next to and with Toni. In fact I find it impossible to sleep when she’s not in bed with me.

I also love to shout out to her when in the bathroom and out of soap, tissue or towel and she will deliver, this is probably one of the best aspects of married life.
I suppose it can also be seen as a metaphor…

I love the fact that Toni will give me my vitamins and whatever other concoction she makes me take in the mornings – she’s good with medication so I don’t really keep up. I love that when I am sick, I will wait for her to figure out which meds I should take and when – she probably doesn’t enjoy this part as much as I do.

I love that she knows to turn down the volume of the TV when the adverts come on, as it drives me crazy for some reason; it’s just awesome sharing a life with someone who knows you that way.

But the most awesome part about being married is always having a date, my days of attacking life solo are so not missed, Coming home to a human woman that I know, love and trust makes life much much easier to take on.

Oh I love shopping with my wife, she enjoys it better than I do but if I’m going shopping then it should be with her, especially grocery shopping. While she gets fruit, I look for drinks, as she stands at one queue I hunt around for a shorter one, etc. Together the shopping experience becomes easier, for me anyway.

I could probably go on and on and still not feel like I am getting the message across properly, but to put it simply, I love having someone to walk through life with and must say that I chose an awesome human woman for it.

We live in an age of knowledge yet exist in the world very basically and instinctually - the same way that a cave person in the middle ages would I presume have existed in the world, with great caution and fear of the unknown.
Throughout the history of the world, groups of people have used whatever weapons at their disposal – religious, tribal, cultural, traditional, racial, sexual – you name it, to marginalise and limit the rights of other sometimes smaller but mostly less powerful/equipped/able groups.
At this point in human evolution, you’d think that it would be clear to everyone by now that the oppressed will rise. I think homophobes have a few years of grace left before the world tilts on it’s axis for them, because the best thing about knowledge is that it is power, liberation and emancipation and one can only keep their head in the sand for so long.




Was that the last I heard from her?

10 October 2011 

was the first day I met her. I knew her before this day but just not personally. She seemed too strict and serious. Didn't laugh a lot and hung with people I refer to as 'top dogs'. You see those elites and very choosy. "I just wanna say hi" My friend said. She had a crush on her and really I didn't see what's there to give her sleepless nights. "ugh come on Lesego like really now" I rolled my eyes. "Just hold this and don't blink, I'll be back" she walked over to them and they talked, the next thing a hug was flashed. "Come say hi" Lesego waved at me. I spun fast and acted as if I didn't see or hear anything. As I was facing the other sway I felt a tap on my shoulder. "Keng otshaba batho?" She said. 'Pssst' my sub raised her eyebrow. "Come on, just a hug" she hugged me and damn I didn't wanna let go. The scent on her neck, oh my... "Was that hard?" She interrupted my reverie. I couldn't bring myself to look her on the face. "Enjoy the rest of your day" she walked away and Lesego came. "I thought I was the one crushing on her" she said. "Ofcourse you are" I snapped and walked away. Months went by and the crush was starting to fade since I haven't been seeing much of her and I heard she was getting engaged. 

Not that I thought she and I was gonna elope blah blah....Okay maybe the thought did cross my mind once or twice or maybe thrice but it was just wishful thinking. Obviously I'm not her type etc.

On Feb the 13th 2013

 I met her again in the morning around 11. This time she was alone. I was sitting in the bar minding my own business when I heard a voice behind me. "What is a beautiful lady like u doing in a place like this?"

'How lame' I thought. "How can a charming lady like you come up with a lame line like that?" I said and we laughed. "I'm Mbali" she pulled her hand out to shake mine. "Khumo" we shook hands. "Shouldn't you be preparing for tomorrow?" She asked. "What's the to prepare for?" I huffed. "Hello! It's valentine's" she said. "So? I don't even get worked up on my own birthday so why should I bother on valentine's?" I said. "Whoever you're dating is wrong for u, for giving you that kinda mentality" she said. "Ja she was,that's why we didn't work" I said 'but tell that to my heart' my sub added. "I'm sorry to hear that" She said. "Want a refill?" She added. "I should probably go I've been here since 9.am" I said as I stood. "Just few more minutes... please" she pleaded. "Okay, one drink" I sat back down. "Bartender" she yelled. I watched her give our orders, a real charmer and very sweet so far.

"So how long has it been?" She asked after talking to the bartender catching me staring at her side bands. I quickly looked away. "Pardon?" I asked. "How long have u been single?" I couldn't have said for a month, that might have given her the impression that I'm not over my ex, which is true but I can't just come out and say it. "2 months now" I know it's still close but is the first thing that came to my mind. "That's soon, you can still work things out" she said. "I doubt" I said. "Why? Was the break up that bad?" She seemed too concerned for my liking. 'I burnt her clothes,crashed her laptop and almost killed her and her mistress how's that for bad?' My sub said. "Yes it was" I said. "You sound like a trouble maker ko facebook but certainly don't look like one now" she said. "You read my statuses?" I almost jumped but thank God I only did it inside. "All the time" she said. 'Oh my' my sub fainted. "I must say, the things u say are pretty hectic" she added and I blushed. She looked at the watch on her wrist. "I have to go" it was nice chatting to u" 

'Please don't go, please' my sub was on her knees. "You gonna be good right?" She asked as she stood. 'No I'm gonna shoot myself If u walk out that door' my sub said. "Yes, I'll be fine thanks" I said, we hugged and she left.

Written by Diopelo The-Firstlady King.


This is the day I make you mine - a tale of a lesbian wedding.

Intense activity

There was a frantic bustle about the place.
Everyone was busy with a chore, some cooked, others blew air into purple and white balloons, where as others like either one of the brides chased their tails, too nervous to sit still even for a second.
They barely sat still in make-up, and even later, when the magic was done and they looked gorgeous even if rather pale, they still paced amidst constant -" relax or you will ruin your make-up-s".

Lady in white...how lovely you look.

The two brides both wore white, Jen in a flowing white skirt and lacy top and Toni in an elegant shirt and pants. They were a sight for sore eyes.
As they walked up the petal strewn path holding hands to "when all the saints..", Toni kept telling Jen to slow down under her breath, the storm that had caused worried upward glances earlier was literally over but dark clouds interchanged with white and blue wispy and kept worry lines and smiles respectively on everyone's face.

The holy place

They stood under a canopy of purple and white, a pedestal of flowers on each end thanks to a beautiful friend - and promised each other love, perseverence and togetherness.
" i will love you when it's hard and when you laugh and when tears stream down your face", they promised in as many words and more.
They held each others hands and slide gold bands as a symbol of their commitment onto each others fingers as their friends and family watched and softly said..." I do"
Their feet were bare, their hearts were full, the day was mostly a blur as John Legend at some point sang his lungs out -  ""stay with you"

Let's drink and dance to that.

The birds were lovely, everyone left with one as a reminder of the beautiful thing they had just witnessed.
After all was said and done, it was time to dance, and so they did....
They still love to dance with each other sometimes and other times, their eyes do all the dancing as they playfully call one another wife.


Realia...or is it?

Levorna the flower robber mastermind and her mignonnes.

The plan

I thought mignonnes was too cool although slightly off topic.
I know i am giving too much away through the title but i think  it sounds as dangerous as it should.
I have been on a very destructive course of action lately, well Toni’s opinion any way, i think it will go just fine.
Have you seen the flowers this spring/summer? Tempting right? I know... – especially if like me you are planning a wedding on a tight budget.
Just right for the picking, that’s where my mignonnes and i come in – Rowan volunteered a name, i have to say i love that child’s mind, the ideas she comes up with make a mother proud.
Toni will drive the gateaway car, whether i have to tie her to the steering wheel first, screaming and kicking.
She has this funny idea about us getting caught, i think it’s bollocks, the plan is fool proof.
As she waits in the getaway car, Rowan and I will make for the flowers, I will cut as Rowan holds the tissue covered basket.


We will be dressed in black so no one can recognise us.
If the popo come, I will run off in one direction and meet my horse at the corner - another one of Rowan's smart ideas - as she makes for the car and the two of them get away, either that or she stands around looking lost and mumbles something about an early Halloween costume try out.
Rowan thinks i should go to gym and get my running up to speed – so to write, i already know how i should run away however, it’s very funny, i wish i could show you but picture a happy but slightly deranged trot/canter.
Oh i think i left out the laugh, as i trot/canter away, i will laugh my evil laugh, goes something like this – ahaha-ahahaha-ahahahaha-ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha - cough cough, with standard evil glint in eyes.
We were thinking about the News Headlines – see we’ve thought of everything, not only will we score free flowers, we will also acquire fame while doing it.
"Gang of two and a half women/men and girl/boy/alien/thing – they won’t be able to tell coz we will be entirely in black – terrorises joburg gardens/parks. All shouldn’t panic however as they seem to only be targeting white roses"  – they will go on to give details of how we operate.

What could go wrong

Rowan finds the whole plan exciting and scary at the same time and thinks her mastermind mother is too awesome.
Toni’s every concern is that i will get caught and chucked in jail and won’t make it out in time for the wedding...she worries too much.
I think if it comes to that , we can talk to the warden about a wedding there – duno how our friends will feel about that but it will surely separate the chaff from the real deal if nothing else – so there’s absolutely zilch to worry about.



Midnight confessions

'Hey angel...' Tan whispered softly as she crept into bed.
'Hey...' Mojo mumbled sleepily, her eyes closed but her arms reached out to hold her lover.
'you are cold...poor baby...come here'
'it's freezing out there..' Tan slid easily into Mojo's open arms, 'mmmh.. but it's so warm in here'
'is it now..' Mojo teased, her leg pulling Tan closer to her.
'mmh-uh' Tan just purred like a satisfied cat.

On the other side of town

Yuli leaned against the bar in Roxy's - a popular lesbian spot in town and surveyed the room with a bored air, 'the crowd gets younger each time,' she thought to herself contemplating leaving.
She took a slow swig from her beer and gently put it back onto the counter.
Her eye caught that of a girl who looked no older than twelve, who had been staring at her for a while now and she quickly looked away, not wanting to encourage the poor thing.

She obviously did not look away quickly enough for seconds later the young thing was planted firmly in front of her, had she moved an inch, their lips would have touched.
'i love you..' the young thing said with puppy eyes, complete with an index finger in her mouth - with what was supposed to be a seductive look.
Yuli contemplated several replies but lacked the enthusiasm to say them out loud.
Oh for pete's sake am too old for this shit..' she said under her breath.'excuse me,' she continued loudly as she maneuvered her way around the child, avoiding body contact.
'here, buy yourself a drink', and placing a few bills on the counter Yuli walked out into the cold night.

Let's do it

'Marry me...'Mojo said half asleep.
'what was that?' 
'marry me', the two words were loud and clear in the silence of the night.
'i said..'
'i heard you...' Tan said gently.
'and..' Mojo said impatiently, the sleep gone for now.
' and i will marry you'
'so that's a yes then?'
They only managed to fall asleep again as the sun came up.
Mojo hummed Con te PatirĂ² as she closed her eyes with a smile on her face.


Somewhere in cyber space.

Raindrops on roses

Bren lay in the hospital room ,staring out into the rain ,hearing it pound on the roof relentlessly…she felt no peace that it bought in it’s wake ,her heart felt as clouded and crowded as the sky outside ,black and devoid of color. Joy always made her smile when she could but she had deadlines to meet and people to see, assignments to complete….though to be honest in the past those had never prevented her from spending a few moments of her day with Bren , in fact she had lived for those moments but not anymore…

Tentative steps

Lunar typed the words chat into her phone as she hummed cyber love  by Jason Derulo to herself, it was really amazing what one could find on the internet ,such an inexhaustible ocean of knowledge that she was planning to tap into to her ultimate pleasure. Prowords - she clicked the link with mounting excitement ,hardly read any of it and rushed to the part that said create account.

Username: Moon

Password: ******

Date of birth: December 1987

Location: Johannesburg South africa

And so on and so forth…

Let's rock and roll!

Soon she was done with her account creation and with in no time was ready to meet over a million other users that were residents of this site or so it said. She fumbled her way around ,unfamiliar with the new lingo that these people used - so many from all walks of life all joined by this virtual world that seemed so real, no color, no physical appearance based judgment ,just words on the screen that somehow connected souls, with those words ,acquaintances were made, Interspersed with chemistry, laced with understanding, love was found.