Foreign Being

There are so many crippling yet vital and fundamental realities to being born a lesbian, a woman, an African, a black person in a world as fragmented, as phobic and as patriarchal as this one.

For as long as I can remember, I have felt foreign.

Being a foreigner is a very disempowering and alienating feeling/position to occupy in the world.

It is like being born in the wrong body – or what I imagine that feels like.

It’s strange how when one is in the privileged position of heterosexuality, sexual orientation is not one’s core position of personal identification in the world.

As a lesbian I have felt foreign and alien to my environment, this has ramifications, I end up creating a distance/wall between me and THEM.

The people who I find myself being alienated from are the same people I share strong connections and bonds with, DNA strands that have effects like similar hair texture, tones of voice, nail shape, etc.

The idea that as a woman I am supposed to hold certain expectations of myself, that I am supposed to walk, talk, cover myself in a certain way.

The idea that as a woman I am supposed speak softer, be submissive, meek and obedient, press my knees together when I sit, keep silent when a more knowledgeable and testosterone charged person has an opinion to express and hold the male species of the human race in high esteem and regard is so alien to me.

I must be people-less, landless, tribe-less, childless, nameless, god-less, Bloodless, DNA-less, language-less and where necessary faceless, my only contribution to the world as a vessel of life.

Not only do these make me foreign to the world, they make the world foreign to me.

Being a black person in the world and from a ‘dark continent’ means that I have to accept the idea the world holds of me.

It means that where as an American or European feels that the universe is open and inviting and just ripe for the picking, the long waits in visa application queues and consequent rejection lead me to accept a part of myself that is not desirable to others.

While others take entitlement for granted, I take my undesirability for granted.

As a black person, I take my poverty for granted, I take my anger for granted, I take my history of oppression for granted, I take the misinformation and stereotypical representation of my race for granted. I actually believe that history could not have unfolded any differently.

The consequences of chronic disempowerment are many and varied.

Where as one might take their first look in the eyes of the world and see blonde, blue-eyed, beautiful, desirable, necessary, vital, important, I have to look deeper to sell what I have.

Where as one takes one look into the eyes of the world and sees male, strong, important, APPROVED, empowered, yes, affirmed, vital, I have to dig deep to sell my qualities to the world, I have to search for qualities that may have been missed and present these in a voice that is loud and clear.

Where as one looks into the eyes of the world and sees heterosexual, natural, normal, expected, accepted, APPROVED, necessary, needed, Christian, African, yes, nod, wink, want, affirmed, I look up from my bent head of shame to see a lack of recognition, I don’t see faces, I see parts of heads turned away from me, side lines….., aversion.

Bottom line, walking the world as a foreigner on so many levels of one’s core identifying attributes and then actually living as a “foreigner” makes me vulnerable.

It means that I can not feel entitled in anyway, I can not feel that my marriage is a right, a natural occurrence, or my need for service is earned, when I stand in a line and wait for everything too long, I do not feel that I have the right to claim space and speak out or complain because I don’t feel like I own that space in the first place.

     

Married life

How is married life?

Love,light and laughter

This is a question I have been answering a lot since October 20^th 2012.

A sense of shared destiny.

The idea that we are doing this together ( I will stay with you - John Legend )

The fact that we are a family that is recognised and respected under the law is just too awesome.

What I love about being married.

The best thing about married life for me – and this is why it is a crime against humanity to deny gay people marriage - is going to sleep and waking up next to and with Toni. In fact I find it impossible to sleep when she’s not in bed with me.

I also love to shout out to her when in the bathroom and out of soap, tissue or towel and she will deliver, this is probably one of the best aspects of married life.

I suppose it can also be seen as a metaphor…

I love the fact that Toni will give me my vitamins and whatever other concoction she makes me take in the mornings – she’s good with medication so I don’t really keep up. I love that when I am sick, I will wait for her to figure out which meds I should take and when – she probably doesn’t enjoy this part as much as I do.

I love that she knows to turn down the volume of the TV when the adverts come on, as it drives me crazy for some reason; it’s just awesome sharing a life with someone who knows you that way.

But the most awesome part about being married is always having a date, my days of attacking life solo are so not missed, Coming home to a human woman that I know, love and trust makes life much much easier to take on.

Oh I love shopping with my wife, she enjoys it better than I do but if I’m going shopping then it should be with her, especially grocery shopping. While she gets fruit, I look for drinks, as she stands at one queue I hunt around for a shorter one, etc. Together the shopping experience becomes easier, for me anyway.

I could probably go on and on and still not feel like I am getting the message across properly, but to put it simply, I love having someone to walk through life with and must say that I chose an awesome human woman for it.

We live in an age of knowledge yet exist in the world very basically and instinctually - the same way that a cave person in the middle ages would I presume have existed in the world, with great caution and fear of the unknown.

Throughout the history of the world, groups of people have used whatever weapons at their disposal – religious, tribal, cultural, traditional, racial, sexual – you name it, to marginalise and limit the rights of other sometimes smaller but mostly less powerful/equipped/able groups.

At this point in human evolution, you’d think that it would be clear to everyone by now that the oppressed will rise. I think homophobes have a few years of grace left before the world tilts on it’s axis for them, because the best thing about knowledge is that it is power, liberation and emancipation and one can only keep their head in the sand for so long.

  

  

Was that the last I heard from her?

10 October 2011 

was the first day I met her. I knew her before this day but just not personally. She seemed too strict and serious. Didn't laugh a lot and hung with people I refer to as 'top dogs'. You see those elites and very choosy. "I just wanna say hi" My friend said. She had a crush on her and really I didn't see what's there to give her sleepless nights. "ugh come on Lesego like really now" I rolled my eyes. "Just hold this and don't blink, I'll be back" she walked over to them and they talked, the next thing a hug was flashed. "Come say hi" Lesego waved at me. I spun fast and acted as if I didn't see or hear anything. As I was facing the other sway I felt a tap on my shoulder. "Keng otshaba batho?" She said. 'Pssst' my sub raised her eyebrow. "Come on, just a hug" she hugged me and damn I didn't wanna let go. The scent on her neck, oh my... "Was that hard?" She interrupted my reverie. I couldn't bring myself to look her on the face. "Enjoy the rest of your day" she walked away and Lesego came. "I thought I was the one crushing on her" she said. "Ofcourse you are" I snapped and walked away. Months went by and the crush was starting to fade since I haven't been seeing much of her and I heard she was getting engaged. 

Not that I thought she and I was gonna elope blah blah....Okay maybe the thought did cross my mind once or twice or maybe thrice but it was just wishful thinking. Obviously I'm not her type etc.

On Feb the 13th 2013

 I met her again in the morning around 11. This time she was alone. I was sitting in the bar minding my own business when I heard a voice behind me. "What is a beautiful lady like u doing in a place like this?"

'How lame' I thought. "How can a charming lady like you come up with a lame line like that?" I said and we laughed. "I'm Mbali" she pulled her hand out to shake mine. "Khumo" we shook hands. "Shouldn't you be preparing for tomorrow?" She asked. "What's the to prepare for?" I huffed. "Hello! It's valentine's" she said. "So? I don't even get worked up on my own birthday so why should I bother on valentine's?" I said. "Whoever you're dating is wrong for u, for giving you that kinda mentality" she said. "Ja she was,that's why we didn't work" I said 'but tell that to my heart' my sub added. "I'm sorry to hear that" She said. "Want a refill?" She added. "I should probably go I've been here since 9.am" I said as I stood. "Just few more minutes... please" she pleaded. "Okay, one drink" I sat back down. "Bartender" she yelled. I watched her give our orders, a real charmer and very sweet so far.

"So how long has it been?" She asked after talking to the bartender catching me staring at her side bands. I quickly looked away. "Pardon?" I asked. "How long have u been single?" I couldn't have said for a month, that might have given her the impression that I'm not over my ex, which is true but I can't just come out and say it. "2 months now" I know it's still close but is the first thing that came to my mind. "That's soon, you can still work things out" she said. "I doubt" I said. "Why? Was the break up that bad?" She seemed too concerned for my liking. 'I burnt her clothes,crashed her laptop and almost killed her and her mistress how's that for bad?' My sub said. "Yes it was" I said. "You sound like a trouble maker ko facebook but certainly don't look like one now" she said. "You read my statuses?" I almost jumped but thank God I only did it inside. "All the time" she said. 'Oh my' my sub fainted. "I must say, the things u say are pretty hectic" she added and I blushed. She looked at the watch on her wrist. "I have to go" it was nice chatting to u" 

'Please don't go, please' my sub was on her knees. "You gonna be good right?" She asked as she stood. 'No I'm gonna shoot myself If u walk out that door' my sub said. "Yes, I'll be fine thanks" I said, we hugged and she left.

Written by Diopelo The-Firstlady King.

This is the day I make you mine - a tale of a lesbian wedding.

Intense activity

There was a frantic bustle about the place.
Everyone was busy with a chore, some cooked, others blew air into purple and white balloons, where as others like either one of the brides chased their tails, too nervous to sit still even for a second.
They barely sat still in make-up, and even later, when the magic was done and they looked gorgeous even if rather pale, they still paced amidst constant -" relax or you will ruin your make-up-s".

Lady in white...how lovely you look.

The two brides both wore white, Jen in a flowing white skirt and lacy top and Toni in an elegant shirt and pants. They were a sight for sore eyes.
As they walked up the petal strewn path holding hands to "when all the saints..", Toni kept telling Jen to slow down under her breath, the storm that had caused worried upward glances earlier was literally over but dark clouds interchanged with white and blue wispy and kept worry lines and smiles respectively on everyone's face.

The holy place

They stood under a canopy of purple and white, a pedestal of flowers on each end thanks to a beautiful friend - and promised each other love, perseverence and togetherness.

" i will love you when it's hard and when you laugh and when tears stream down your face", they promised in as many words and more.

They held each others hands and slide gold bands as a symbol of their commitment onto each others fingers as their friends and family watched and softly said..." I do"

Their feet were bare, their hearts were full, the day was mostly a blur as John Legend at some point sang his lungs out -  ""stay with you"

Let's drink and dance to that.

The birds were lovely, everyone left with one as a reminder of the beautiful thing they had just witnessed.
After all was said and done, it was time to dance, and so they did....
They still love to dance with each other sometimes and other times, their eyes do all the dancing as they playfully call one another wife.

Realia...or is it?

Levorna the flower robber mastermind and her mignonnes.

The plan

I thought mignonnes was too cool although slightly off topic.

I know i am giving too much away through the title but i think  it sounds as dangerous as it should.

I have been on a very destructive course of action lately, well Toni’s opinion any way, i think it will go just fine.

Have you seen the flowers this spring/summer? Tempting right? I know... – especially if like me you are planning a wedding on a tight budget.

Just right for the picking, that’s where my mignonnes and i come in – Rowan volunteered a name, i have to say i love that child’s mind, the ideas she comes up with make a mother proud.

Toni will drive the gateaway car, whether i have to tie her to the steering wheel first, screaming and kicking.

She has this funny idea about us getting caught, i think it’s bollocks, the plan is fool proof.

As she waits in the getaway car, Rowan and I will make for the flowers, I will cut as Rowan holds the tissue covered basket.

Incognito

We will be dressed in black so no one can recognise us.

If the popo come, I will run off in one direction and meet my horse at the corner - another one of Rowan's smart ideas - as she makes for the car and the two of them get away, either that or she stands around looking lost and mumbles something about an early Halloween costume try out.

Rowan thinks i should go to gym and get my running up to speed – so to write, i already know how i should run away however, it’s very funny, i wish i could show you but picture a happy but slightly deranged trot/canter.

Oh i think i left out the laugh, as i trot/canter away, i will laugh my evil laugh, goes something like this – ahaha-ahahaha-ahahahaha-ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha - cough cough, with standard evil glint in eyes.

We were thinking about the News Headlines – see we’ve thought of everything, not only will we score free flowers, we will also acquire fame while doing it.

"Gang of two and a half women/men and girl/boy/alien/thing – they won’t be able to tell coz we will be entirely in black – terrorises joburg gardens/parks. All shouldn’t panic however as they seem to only be targeting white roses"  – they will go on to give details of how we operate.

What could go wrong

Rowan finds the whole plan exciting and scary at the same time and thinks her mastermind mother is too awesome.

Toni’s every concern is that i will get caught and chucked in jail and won’t make it out in time for the wedding...she worries too much.

I think if it comes to that , we can talk to the warden about a wedding there – duno how our friends will feel about that but it will surely separate the chaff from the real deal if nothing else – so there’s absolutely zilch to worry about.

Ahaha ahahaha ahahahaha ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Realia

Midnight confessions

'Hey angel...' Tan whispered softly as she crept into bed.

'Hey...' Mojo mumbled sleepily, her eyes closed but her arms reached out to hold her lover.

'you are cold...poor baby...come here'

'it's freezing out there..' Tan slid easily into Mojo's open arms, 'mmmh.. but it's so warm in here'

'is it now..' Mojo teased, her leg pulling Tan closer to her.

'mmh-uh' Tan just purred like a satisfied cat.

On the other side of town

Yuli leaned against the bar in Roxy's - a popular lesbian spot in town and surveyed the room with a bored air, 'the crowd gets younger each time,' she thought to herself contemplating leaving.

She took a slow swig from her beer and gently put it back onto the counter.

Her eye caught that of a girl who looked no older than twelve, who had been staring at her for a while now and she quickly looked away, not wanting to encourage the poor thing.

She obviously did not look away quickly enough for seconds later the young thing was planted firmly in front of her, had she moved an inch, their lips would have touched.

'i love you..' the young thing said with puppy eyes, complete with an index finger in her mouth - with what was supposed to be a seductive look.

Yuli contemplated several replies but lacked the enthusiasm to say them out loud.

Oh for pete's sake am too old for this shit..' she said under her breath.'excuse me,' she continued loudly as she maneuvered her way around the child, avoiding body contact.

'here, buy yourself a drink', and placing a few bills on the counter Yuli walked out into the cold night.

Let's do it

'Marry me...'Mojo said half asleep.

'what was that?' 

'marry me', the two words were loud and clear in the silence of the night.

'i said..'

'i heard you...' Tan said gently.

'and..' Mojo said impatiently, the sleep gone for now.

' and i will marry you'

'so that's a yes then?'

'YES!'

They only managed to fall asleep again as the sun came up.

Mojo hummed Con te Patirò as she closed her eyes with a smile on her face.

Somewhere in cyber space.

Raindrops on roses

Bren lay in the hospital room ,staring out into the rain ,hearing it pound on the roof relentlessly…she felt no peace that it bought in it’s wake ,her heart felt as clouded and crowded as the sky outside ,black and devoid of color. Joy always made her smile when she could but she had deadlines to meet and people to see, assignments to complete….though to be honest in the past those had never prevented her from spending a few moments of her day with Bren , in fact she had lived for those moments but not anymore…

Tentative steps

Lunar typed the words chat into her phone as she hummed cyber love  by Jason Derulo to herself, it was really amazing what one could find on the internet ,such an inexhaustible ocean of knowledge that she was planning to tap into to her ultimate pleasure. Prowords - she clicked the link with mounting excitement ,hardly read any of it and rushed to the part that said create account.

Username: Moon

Password: ******

Date of birth: December 1987

Location: Johannesburg South africa

And so on and so forth…

Let's rock and roll!

Soon she was done with her account creation and with in no time was ready to meet over a million other users that were residents of this site or so it said. She fumbled her way around ,unfamiliar with the new lingo that these people used - so many from all walks of life all joined by this virtual world that seemed so real, no color, no physical appearance based judgment ,just words on the screen that somehow connected souls, with those words ,acquaintances were made, Interspersed with chemistry, laced with understanding, love was found.

A day in a lesbian's life: Look Tan, there’s a dead man on the stoep.

A day in a lesbian's life: Look Tan, there’s a dead man on the stoep

Look Tan, there’s a dead man on the stoep.

 

Evaluating the new year

Life had brought pleasant surprises with the new year, the love birds were not spring chickens anymore, they had laughed, fought, matured and laughed again.

Mojo and Tan continued to find each other incredibly cool and awesome, they still made each other’s hearts skip beats and race on. Even during those moments when they wanted to tear each other to pieces, they managed to remember the love they shared and declare it.

Bleh and Dana had survived the drama of the last year and continued to build their relationship hard brick by very hard brick, they had recently moved in together and that was going as well as could be expected but all were holding thumbs.

Look what the scenery dragged in.

One morning as Mojo and Tan drove to work, oh did I forget to mention? They moved in together, right before the year (2012) began. True to lesbian form I’m sure is what you are thinking…

Well Mojo , lesbian or not had a few curt words in response to that,’ there’s no time like the present’ and I tend to agree with her.

But let’s not get carried away, Mojo is saying something.

‘Did you see that?’ she asked Tan with childlike excitement in her voice.

‘No angel, I didn’t see it, I was trying not to drive us off the street and into some poor soul’s mid section, what was it?’ Tan replied with a mixture of impatient and tolerance for Mojo’s morning quizzes, she was used to them by now.

‘It looked like a man sleeping on the stoep on one of those metal benches, like you find at the park, either that or he is dead, and since dead appeals to the Sherlock in me, I will go with that, if it wasn’t for you driving like we are trying to get into formula 1, I might have seen clearly’. Mojo said mock irritably

Tan only managed a stern look in her direction,’ why don’t you remind me to slow down tomorrow, I’m sure it’s far from your dramatic expectations – probably someone who enjoys cooling off in the morning air or maybe they have trouble sleeping at night’.

‘I’m telling you, he is dead, they probably killed him and left him to rot, or maybe it’s a ghost, do you think it’s a ghost? He face was white and everything’ it was hard to break Mojo’s train of thought once she got going, the phrase ‘train of thought’ was coined with her in mind.

‘Ghosts don’t have white faces my angel, that is if they even exist’, replied Tan sensibly

The mystery of the dead man on the stoep remains unsolved.

The next day saw them racing past as did the next after that, since the week had drawn to a close, the mystery of the dead man on the stoep remained unsolved. In the meantime, they listened to Hallelujah by K D Lang, Mojo’s recent obsession, on the car radio and discussed the recent developments in Julius Malema’s trial.

The plot thickens.

The plan was to meet at Mojo's little flat, which she had recently moved into after staying with bleh for just over a month - before deciding on where to proceed from there.
That way, they would be killing two birds with one stone, getting tan to see mojo's humble aboard and getting their bearings figured out before venturing further into whatever path was opening for them.

Mojo was barely out of the shower when the phone started ringing and seconds later, tan announced her arrival, which undoubtedly set mojo off into a panicked frenzy of actions, the place was a mess, the bed unmade, she had to put some clothes on, after finding them ofcourse which was proving quite impossible a task.

She was finally ready and ran most of the way to the parking where tan was waiting patiently.

'sorry I took forever', she said, running fingers through her still wet hair and blushing.
'it's ok', tan said,putting out her cigarette with her foot and blushing back.
'had to do a bit of tidying up, take a shower....' she trailed off and started to lead the way back to the flat.
'i figured', tan had laughter in her voice.
'i like your bike' she said of tan's harley davidson.
Tan raised an impressed eyebrow,
'it's my baby'.
They walked on quietly.
'place was a mess...' mojo continued when the silence got too loud.
' my place gets that way too...' tan put forth in consolation.
Mojo smiled and felt herself relax towards this woman.
She stole quick looks when she thought her guest wasn't aware, noticing how shapely those denims made her ass look, and the exposed cleavage that tan had let slip accidentally on purpose.
She looked good,and the slight whiffs that came Mojo's way indicated that she smelt wonderful too.

The walk to the flat was fast.
Tan voiced all the polite platitudes on seeing it, Mojo had an eclectic collection of things from her journeys which tan took turns admiring.

'tea, coffee, juice?' she later offered.
Tan felt a boldness she could hardly explain.
' actually what I'd rather right now...'
She walked over to Mojo without a word and taking a speechless face into her palms proceeded to administer a short but thorough kiss.
'i've wanted to do that since we met', she said when it ended.

Mojo reached over and their lips connected again, not wasting time with words - being all for action herself.

They had to tear themselves away from the flat some 30 minutes later, knowing that things might get out of hand if they didn't and not really wanting to cross that bridge yet, Mojo had packed a picnic complete with a dry red wine and strawberries,
No doubt by the end of it,it was declared clearly and simply that a relationship had now began between Mojo and tan.

blossoming romance

Mojo looked every bit as distressed as she felt and sounded.
'i don't think you understand Bleh,' she put forth with emotion,' she is perfect, I simply have to get her!'

She had ran to Bleh's work as soon as the date was over and commenced on pouring her heart out.
'how come this is the first am hearing about this supernatural individual?', Bleh retaliated in an accusatory tone.
Mojo blushed,' I just didn't want to make a big deal of it in case she wasn't my type, there's just been so many..., but that is neither here nor there, help me, what do I do!?'

'have you two talked since you met?' Bleh tried to make sense of it.
'yes, we haven't stopped chatting since then. But it could be because she feels sorry for me', she dramatically rested her head in her palms and breathed deeply.
Something that was so unlike the cool and always collected mojo bleh knew.
'there is something about her Bleh, she is simply perfect'
'yes, you said that before' Bleh said sarcastically and mojo gave her a killer eye.
'what about her drew you so strongly?'
' could have been everything and nothing really, I think it's simply connection, chemistry, that typa crazy stuff, could have also been because she is gorgeous and has the most incredible laugh, or maybe it's because she is extremely smart - you know I can't resist those...'
'hmmm and it's pretty clear you can't resist her' Bleh stated obviously.
'duh!' was all mojo said in answer.

'when are you seeing her again?'

'next week',mojo said with impatience ,'it seems too far, am thinking that I Shd make sunday possible, although duty calls, I can make it happen with a little arm twisting here and there'.

Sunday did happen.

mojo finds her mojo

And it looked like mojo might not have long to wait. After going on several dates that ended very badly ; linda was a gold digger, or atleast mojo gathered after she asked her what work she did and how much it paid for the 10th time in the 30 minutes they'd spent together having coffee at bugattis . She left feeling very discouraged, linda was very hot unfortunately. Lihle was too loud, mojo kept blushing profusely as all the other occupants of spur kept staring at them because their conversation seemed open to the general public, she couldn't wait to rush off to work and breathed a sigh of relief when the clock finally ticked a blessed 2:45. she made for the door with promises of calling and setting up another date that she very well knew wouldn't happen. Kate had bad breath. Lee- ann had bad teeth and was squint eyed. The list was endless. Dana and eve advised that perhaps she was being alittle too judgemental and too fussy, the search for a mate was a tricky one. She was adamant that she would finally find someone who would leave her heart pounding for extra oxygen. Five weeks down the line she finally did. After chatting for some time, they finally decided to meet,tan was tall and spotted a ponytail, faded denims, a leather jacket, black boots and smoked like a chimney, coffee it was, they sat in news cafe and the two hours passed all too quickly, they laughed endlessly and had discussions about life and homosexuality and life as a homosexual and religion and the stars, the moon and the grass by the road side.
It was only when they decided to leave that it dawned on both of them that they needed to see eachother again.

New kid on the block.

Mojo had been in town for a whole of two months and already she was causing chaos.
After triapsing around the continent for the past two years, she'd decided to come back home - home being where her bestfriend eve was and try settling down.
She might have been settling down but the dust in her wake most certainly wasn't,the ladies chased after her like she was drenched in chocolate and finished off with several mouthwatering cherries.
She wasn't what you'd call a player, but when life threw melons at you,the least you could do was feel them up and give them a good lick,and in that regards, she wasn't disappointing.
She soon got a gig as a bar lady in some joint, all was going well, professionally atleast.
See mojo had a big problem, she suspected that cupid had an age old score to settle with her, getting laid had always been easy for her, but finding a woman that left her weak kneed and breathless was proving impossible, every time she fell in love, something would go wrong, she was gunning for 30 and had yet to have a serious relationship.
Eve said she attracted what she subconsciously wanted, eve was on a newage thinking tip lately that left mojo very frustrated.

'love will find you when you least expect it' advised dana, who was yet again disgustingly in love with eve.
They were gradually working their way through eve's little faux pas with nto who had finally decided to move to durban and was now happily involved with a mature indian woman. They were all learning to laugh about the past, especially the part where eve made a fool of herself serenading dana outside her flat in the thick of night, that part always left eve blushing and mumbling that atleast it had paid off.

'guys, can we focus on me here!' mojo whined, they were all in bed together trying to beat the winter chills.
'what happened to dinka from work, didn't you like her or something?' eve said with laughter in her voice.
' she is straight remember and she liked me, I have a feeling the boyfriend will pay someone to put a bullet in me one of these good days'
They all laughed.
'it's not funny guys, why do I keep attracting straight women lately', mojo's brows were knotted in genuine confusion.
'Ummm... Coz you are hot' dana piped in smiling
'coz you are so lesbian they think it'll rub off' eve winked.
' coz they are greedy,' mojo said petulantly.
'i can't wait to fall in love with a normal red blooded, full blown lesbian', she sighed.

All is well that ends well.

The Plan

All is well that ends well

The plan

And so eve set out to make a fool of herself, with her accomplice Bleh in toe,they wrote out a whole essay about being sorry with neon coloured ink, got hold of Eve's guitar that hadn't been tuned in a long while and off they went.

'This could get ugly you know' Eve warned omniously.
'All is fair in love and war is what they say', Bleh deadpanned.

The Journey

The ride to Dana's seemed almost too short, Eve's heart was now beating a tattoo in her chest, Bleh on the other hand seemed to be enjoying herself, they set up camp on the little lawn in front of dana's little flat and got ready for action.

Bleh held out the big pieces of paper while Eve fiddled about with her guitar trying to get in tune, all was finally set and the charade ready to begin.

The Fool

Eve started singing.
In just a few seconds, most of the lights in the entire building came on and heads started to peek out.
'I'm sorry dana...' she shouted off key.
'i know I don't deserve a second chance...'
'but I don't want to live without you,even if I can...'
'Dana please forgive me'.

Forgiveness

Dana's head was the last one to peek out, the look on her face wasn't very encouraging however.
'i'm sorry...' eve said looking straight at her, the guitar now forgotten.
'i love you'.
Dana's head left the window and a few minutes after, she appeared at the front gate.
'i..am...sorry...that's all I can say'. Eve had tears flowing freely out of her eyes now.
Dana whipped her face gently.
'it's ok baby... Now stop singing please, you are embarrassing me'.
Bleh guffawed,' you are on point dana, if I was while,i'd be red by now'.
They kissed softly and hugged for hours, both knowing that the road ahead was going to be very shaky.
Their audience, unaware of all that, clapped excitedly.

A day in a lesbian's life: Fools rush in

A day in a lesbian's life: Fools rush in: "It had been over a month and dana was still not coming round. Eve had tried everything, begging,pleading, threatening and then begging agai..."

Fool's Rush In

Out of options

It had been over a month and Dana was still not coming round.
Eve had tried everything, begging,pleading, threatening and then begging again and it wasn't working.
Some even said she had moved on - some woman was constantly in her presence, others said she was considering moving cities.

Tough decisions

Hina and Bleh on the other hand now had a flourishing romance.
Hina remained a complex specimen for study nonetheless.
Being with her was like riding on a rollercoaster, she kept Bleh's emotions on tip toes.
Which was why, for Bleh, having Lizo on the side was inevitable and totally acceptable. There were moments when Hina disappeared for a week, no phonecall, email, facebook message or a mxit pop, she simply vanished, such moments, Bleh simply spent warm nights in Lizo's arms.
Infact lizo's arms were so warm and her sex so good that Bleh was now getting confused.

Women talk 

They decided to meet up with eve and talk women.
A tuesday evening at Eve's, Eve grilled ribs and Bleh brought some beer.

' I miss her man...' this seemed to be eve's favourite new record.
' know what I think? I think you shouldn't give up, you fucked up so do whatever it takes to get her back'.
' But i've done just about everything, and now her friends say she might be moving cities. Fuck!'
' not everything...', Bleh said thoughtfully,
Eve gave her the eye and raised an eyebrow.

' Have you camped outside her flat yet?'
'have you woken her up late at night outside her window with a serenade?, desperate times call for desperate measures is what i always say'.

Eve made as though to snoot at Bleh's crazy ideas but stopped,' I think you are onto something actually', she finally said.
'i should make an ass of myself before I declare defeat, I can't just lose her like that'.
'that's the spirit!, i'll help you drive the getaway car encase the popo get involved', Bleh said laughing, and earned a punch on her shoulder.
'when should we do this?', eve asked thoughtfully.
'no time like the present china, I say we drouse ourselves in drink and do it tonight'.

'you speak such sense my friend,' eve said raising her bottle in salute.

Silence

Eve felt a claustrophobic silence everywhere in the house now.
Hard to imagine such a small apartment being so loud with no words.
The bed stretched on for hours...four corners that went on for days,she didn't sleep in it anymore, she fell asleep infront of the tv, watching dana's favourite chef make a dish with mushrooms and chicken in it,silently. Kylie kwong sprinkled salt here and drizzled wine there, smiling so wide and happy.
Eve took another drag of the dry rose she hadn't bothered to pour in a glass and swallowed, sadness oozing in her action, she missed her...
She missed her breath, silence and presence. She missed the warmth of a beautiful body,her breasts soft and full, even with the seasons changing and bringing a chill along,they had slept partially covered.

She missed the meaningless words they shared.
'pass the salt'
'am making coffee,do you want some?'.
'gosh,did you see what the tsunami did to japan?, I think the world is ending babe'.
'oh come on,not for atleast another 1000 years, well if it does,i want it to end with you in my arms'.
her sweet laugh..'Oh,you charmer you'.

She missed the cuddles and kisses, the touches and hisses,in the night,watched when she woke up horny,she missed reaching out and igniting her, sleepily making silent love, moving with her softly,gently, wordlessly, till after the hunger left when they would both breath softer till they again fell asleep,in eachother's arms.

She had tried calling again today,for the entire week she tried calling everyday and still dana refused to talk to her,she sent endless messages that were deleted before they were read, about how much she couldn't stand the pain in her chest.
The noise and silence in her head, and the loneliness.
I miss you, she wrote several times a day and pressed the green button.
What more could she say.
Words seemed so meaningless with the silence that had invaded her existence.
She cried softly.
She hadn't cried over anybody in a while, never this much. Sloppily licking her tears, wiping the mucous from her nose on the spread.
And yet the silence never once eased...

Silence

The confession

Dana came home to find eve had make dinner.
She promptly placed a glass of a nicely chilled rose in her hand.
'hmmm, what did you do now?' dana said smiling and gave her a warm hug.
'you feel so warm, it's chilly out there,winter is upon us, good thing I have my teddy bear'.
Eve laughed uneasily and kissed dana's neck.
'can't I just spoil my woman?' she said at last.
'what's for dinner?' dana said, kicking her pumps off and walking barefoot to the little kitchenette to peer into the pot,
'pasta and meatballs,' eve held a spoon with gravy on it towards dana's lips to taste.
'Hmmmm, this is very good, thank god am hungry', she kissed her quickly before rushing off to the bedroom to change.

'i have something to tell you...' during dinner she had tried to find the best time to bring the whole nto issue up but couldn't.
'sounds serious,am all ears..'
'i don't know how to say this, I hope you can forgive but I simply have to tell you the truth'
'i slept with nto', since there was no easy way out,she decided to blurt the truth out.
dana just sat there speechless.
'it happened more than once and I realise it was stupid and however I try to excuse it, nothing can make it right...'
She waited for dana to say something but still nothing escaped her now pursed lips.
'please say something babe...' she said softly.
dana sighed deeply and lay her head in her palms.
'you lied to Me..' she finally spoke, 'i asked you if something was going on and you lied to me'.
Eve couldn't think of anything to say, she got up and knelt between eve's legs.
'am sorry... Am so sorry, am so sorry baby'.
'please move', is all dana said.
A few minutes later she walked out of the door with an overnight bag,
' I'll fetch the rest of my things sometime....it's over eve'.

True colours show

Eve knocked on nto's little bachelorette flat and stop impatiently tapping her foot.
it was two o'clock in the afternoon and she had decided to waste her much appreciated time and sort the issue with nto out.
She had a day off and wd have loved to stay home, sip on a sweet rose in thick socks, a warm blanket and music.
It was getting colder by the minute, by the looks of things, the coming winter would be hectic.
nto opened the door in a flimsy negligee and a smile.
'hey you' she said cheerfully.
Eve ignored her and stepped around into the warm exterior, it was threatening to rain.
'the weather is beautiful, isn't it?' she said, following eve inside, unaffected by the rude gesture.
Eve granted a reply and stood in the tiny lounge.
'what is it nto?' she tried to look into the woman's eyes and understand what was driving this engine.
'would you like some wine?' nto said instead.
'i have an orange river cellars nicely chilled....it's cheap but so accommodating to the palate'.
''stop beating about the bush and tell me why am here nto'.

'ok,be like that', just then she slipped her little negligee off,'i want you...'
Slowly she walked to her,a sweet little smile playing on her lips,
But there was also an almost childlike fear in her eyes.
Eve sighed.
'don't do this nto...please'
'i love you eve, I don't know how it happened...you are all I think abt'

'but you knew abt dana, you knew nothing cd happen between us'.
'i guess my heart never paid heed..'
'i can't do this nto, we might have had our differences with dana but I love her and she's the one I want to be with, I thought you understood that.'

'i can't just not feel, what am I supposed to do about all these feelings? You played with my feelings, made me thin you felt the same way,' tears were now trickling her brown cheeks.
Relentlessly, they fell quicker and quicker.
'please don't cry...am sorry, I just thought we both understood what was going on...'
'please make love to Me...' she had crossed the distance between them and now held eve's arm pitifully,
Eve felt as trapped as a mouse in a cage.